tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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