we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
