You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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