R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
