I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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