I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
