he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
