If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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