fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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