sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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