you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I am one with the molecules
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My bed smells like the plague
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