I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
