I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
