i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
