Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
