I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
