Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
