Where did you get a picture of my penis
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
