My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
