we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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