this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
