yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
