your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
