goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
