I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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