Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
