They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
