I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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