your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My pussy is not your playground.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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