I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
