Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
