whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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