I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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