just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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