I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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