I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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