WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i think i have herpe
just one?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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