He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
