My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
