dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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