My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
