If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
