I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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