I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
im six kinds of drunk right now
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
