he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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