How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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