You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
