i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
