standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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