I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
