She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
