If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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