Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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