Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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