I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
