If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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