Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
