when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
