Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I won't apologize to a one balled man
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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