Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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