Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
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