I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
