It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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