I want to walk on stilts...naked
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
