Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
