My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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