if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it's like iHOP with fire
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
