Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
