just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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