please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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