I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
