did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
