The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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