How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
