I didn't shave. On purpose
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
