ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
