Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
