Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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