My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
