it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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