Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize