There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
