I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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