My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
