Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize