we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
