that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
