found the other keg... it's in the tree
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
