Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
