Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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