i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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