I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
