I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
