yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you will always have a special place in my vag
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
