can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
